Blok M news update, July 2003

Swings and roundabouts

As summer approaches in the cooler climes, many of the guys pack their bags and migrate to the homelands. It seems that some have gone already, as the weekday numbers are down on last month - with the exception of Friday, which is traditionally a feeding frenzy.

I don’t know if it’s the mating season or not, but many of the guys in the bar seem to have settled on a particular young lady who becomes the regular girlfriend. That’s fine for the lucky damsel, but leads to all sorts of petty jealousies and vicious backbiting from the other girls. One frequently-played out scenario that the Reveller relishes is that which occurs when the guy’s girlfriend is not with him. He is then Fair Game and becomes the target of lascivious attentions from the unattached girls. Many a chap has succumbed to these extra-mural temptations and been Very Naughty, only to ruefully pay the price of straying from the straight and narrow when the girlfriend reappears on the scene.

But it’s not only the guys who have these problems. The girls play out a similar plot when two or more of their boyfriends are in town at the same time. I’ve often had a quiet chuckle over my Pernod as I see a girl frantically scurry into a corner clutching her handphone upon learning that boyfriend B is on his way to the Blok, while boyfriend A is downstairs chatting to his mates or playing pool. This is often compounded by boyfriend C calling her on her handphone while she’s happily canoodling with boyfriend A or B in the bar. "Ah, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive".

Where there’s a wheel there’s a way

The Reveller has suddenly got lots more beer money, more time in the bar, and gets even more admiring glances from the young ladies. The secret of his new-found success? - a motorbike.

As the traffic gets remorselessly worse by the day in Jakarta, more of the guys than ever complain that it takes ages to make the pilgrimage from home or office to Blok M, and that ordering a taxi has become a real hit-and-miss affair. Despairing of the vicissitudes of commuting from home to the Blok, I decide that enough is enough and go out and bag a Honda Tiger, one of the larger bikes on sale in Jakarta.

After a few days of wobbling, stalling and terrorising the neighbours as I re-learn the art of bike riding, I now weave in and out of the traffic, hop onto and off the pavements, go up and down one-way streets the wrong way, jump the queues at junctions, with the best of them - and get to see Jakarta as the other 99% see it. Another great advantage of being a biker is that you become invisible to the traffic police and the street beggers and buskers, but are suddenly and miraculously visible to bus and bajay drivers, who give you a wide berth. Pedestrians cringe on the pavement as you approach, instead of lurching out into the road like zombies on a suicide mission.

So, guys, if you want to beat the jams and maximize your revelry, get a pair of wheels!

What’s in a name?

On a recent trip to Jakarta to visit his dear old dad, the Reveller’s eldest son is of course initiated into the rites and rituals of Blok M. This consists of swilling vast quantities of tequila and draft beer and still playing a pretty mean game of pool whilst critically eyeing up the young ladies.

As he sups his umpteenth glass of ale between games we discuss the nature of the local fauna, a species which is completely alien to him. As many a newcomer to the Blok has confided to me, it’s difficult at first to appreciate that the girls are, for the most part, not hardened professionals but freewheeling amateurs. My lad, who must have inherited something of his pater’s way with words, turns round and says: "you know Dad, these are girls of negotiable affections". And to this day, that’s the nicest description I’ve heard of the Blok M girls.

The ‘Five Plus One’

This is how the Blok M cognoscenti refer to the massage parlour on the sixth floor of the Melawai Hotel. True to his sense of duty and his pioneering spirit, the Reveller decides to give the place a whirl (purely for research purposes, you understand) and report his findings.

The Melawai Hotel is a pretty plain, nondescript sort of place, to all intents and purposes a typical middle-grade Jakarta business hotel. But as they say in the world of real estate, there are three important things about property - location, location and location. And this hotel is slap-bang next to Lintas Melawai, and the shortest of cab rides from Jalan Pelatehan.

Bypassing the reception, the eager reveller makes a beeline for the lifts. But beware - you have to get into and out of them pretty smartly or you get trapped by the doors, which have a capricious and a malign tendency to slam shut just as you’re half way in or out. Many an unwary reveller has been mauled by the Melawai lifts. Reaching the sixth floor you enter a dim corridor, on the wall of which facing you is the name of the massage parlour. Turning left, you make your way to the entrance.

The bar sets the scene. It’s so dark that you need state-of-the-art night-vision equipment to make out any detail at all, and the ambience is encouragingly seedy. There’s plenty of seating available, and clusters of girls lurking in little alcoves and the corners. There’s a small bar counter on the right as you go in, a surprisingly pleasant place to sit, chat, and let your eyes adjust to the gloom. You then realise that the bar is stragegically angled so that you have a panoramic view of the Temptations.

The girls are a very pleasant bunch, and it’s nice to be able to just browse and chat without the aggressive attentions that are typical of some of the bar girls in the other establishments on the Blok. They tend to be a bit older than their counterparts in the bars and discos, and attractive without being absolute smashers. And that’s what the Five Plus One is all about - a standard product that the reveller can rely upon, a known quantity that comes without the package of pitfalls and surprises provided by the girls in the other places.

Once you’ve established contact and been through the courtship rituals you’re led into the back corridors of the sixth floor, a little maze with hotel staff bustling from room to room as the guests come and go. On your way to your room you are accosted at every turn by charming young ladies who make intriguing suggestions as to how your short sojourn might be made even more exotic and exciting.

The rooms are clean, plain and functional, and the services are pretty well standardised - as are the prices. Of course, a little extra generosity on the part of the well-satisfied reveller is greatly appreciated, and many of the guys have their favourite girl who becomes a regular.

All in all, this little establishment gets a big thumbs-up from the Reveller and his band of fellow debauchees. It’s a favourite point of entry to the Blok for many of the guys who finish work early, or come into town in the afternoon from the outlands. Well worth including in your itinerary if it’s your bag. The Reveller must confess that his preference is for the anarchy and excitement of the bars and discos - but for those who just want to relax and enjoy their sybaritic pleasures without any hassle, it’s the place to go.

Epilogue

It’s been a good month down the Blok. In a city that lurches from crisis to crisis and where nothing can be taken for granted, Blok M has - as ever - been a haven for the weary reveller after a busy day’s work, and a blessing for the weekend carouser. More news next month, in the meantime enjoy your revelling!