January Diary
Blok M diary, January 2004
Down and out
The Blok has been as bustling as ever this January - guys and girls alike whooping it up and generally having a great time. But alas, the poor old Reveller hasn’t seen much of this action as he’s not got out very frequently over the last few weeks. No, he’s been pretty well broke after teeing up the ante for his new pad just down the road from the Blok, and has had a busy time working on the web site.
But while sipping his Pernod and feeling rather sorry for himself one evening, it occurs to him that things aren’t as bad as they could be, and he’s heartened by that wonderful French saying - reculer pour mieux sauter, which roughly translates as "you’ve got to take a step back to get a better jump forward".
New Year resolutions
As he chills out in the upstairs bar in D’s Place one rainy evening in late December, raking over the embers of the dying year, the Reveller tries to put his aims and ambitions for the forthcoming year into a succinct and solemn pledge. Never a great one for making (or keeping) New Year resolutions, he suddenly remembers the personal motto of one of the greatest revellers of all time - the late (and much lamented) Richard Harris, who summed up his life’s mission in those immortal words, "get pissed, get laid, move on". So in a flash of divine revelation the Reveller has his resolution - and one that he is absolutely certain to keep.
Upgrading the web site
A straw poll of you lot reveals - surprise, surprise - that what you really want is tons more pictures of the Blok M girls! As your wish is the Reveller’s command, he’ll fearlessly answer the call and set forth on safari to bag a whole new collection of piccies of the Sweet Young Things. Now this is a hazardous and risk-fraught venture as they can be highly dangerous when cornered, and many an unwary hunter has been viciously ravished by his prey.
But more pictures will stretch the already-groaning capacity of the web site, so in line with his avowed policy of spoiling his visitors rotten the Reveller is adding a state-of-the-art photo album facility to help the weary surfer navigate the swelling picture gallery. (If you’re a techie or a computer-obsessive like the Reveller, you might like to visit the web site of the guy who wrote the album software, and - bless his cotton socks - released it as freeware. Point your trusty browser at www.datadosen.se).
As a seasoned denizen of the Blok remarked to the Reveller through a haze of cigar smoke the other night, watching the girls in action in the bar is often more interesting (and rewarding) than bedding them. And of course, he’s spot on. The Reveller has already commented on the physical territorial markers of the girls, but not yet on their most vital territory - the guys.
Now there’s a clear and precise pecking-order in the bar, and woe betide any girl who steps out of line. The Reveller is chatting - quite innocently - to a very pretty young newcomer to D’s Place, when an old flame slides past and darts a withering glance at the upstart. She, poor thing, does a knee-jerk retreat and sits rigidly fixed on her drink, while the aggressor parks herself within clawing distance of the bemused Reveller. Another youngster, but one who has already established herself in the hierarchy, whispers encouragingly in the ear of the frightened new girl, jokingly pushes the old flame aside, and perches behind the Reveller in a clear signal of territorial intention.
But the plot, as they say, thickens. A couple of established and fairly senior girls, who have had their eyes on the Reveller for quite some time, move in quickly to assert their longer-term territorial ambitions and signal (a) to the Reveller that they’ve got him in their sights, and (b) to all the other girls that they’d better cool it.
To add to the confusion another old flame (well, more of a blast furnace, really) spies the Reveller in the distance and flashes a perfectly stunning smile of encouragement and invitation at him. The girls clustered round the Reveller turn and join in glaring at her, but she’s the alpha female and gleefully ignores them.
As he chuckles quietly, thoroughly enjoying this little vignette, the Reveller thinks to himself - "pure sinetron!"
Watch your back
It’s a sad fact of life that any place where people congregate with money in their pockets is going to attract a criminal fringe. Now all praise to the Blok M bar managers for running a tight ship and stamping hard on any girls who fleece the customers or nick things from them - and it’s got to be said that theft in the bar is a relatively rare event. However, once you’re outside you’re on your own. So here are a few tips to help you avoid being ripped off or robbed.
Every so often there are lurid reports in the Jakarta tabloids about taxi passengers being mugged or murdered by their driver, especially late at night. Now the taxis outside the bars in Jalan Pelatehan may be rusty death-traps, and you’re fair game for being ripped off over the fare, but at least the taxi drivers aren’t violent criminals. They’re Blok M regulars, know each other well, and - even more important - are known by all the security staff, so the risk of being robbed by one is pretty remote. If you take a taxi outside the street, go for a Blue Bird or Silver Bird and you should be OK.
Never forget that every hotel room should be regarded as potentially hostile territory. Your valuables are vulnerable, especially cash and handphones, so make sure that nothing goes astray during your sojourn. The more inebriate you are, the greater the risk, and the danger time is when you fall asleep after an exhausting frolic. And if you’re tempted to take two or more girls, this ramps up the risk factor. The moral is, never take more folding stuff than is necessary to cover your evening’s expenses, and use plastic whenever and wherever possible.
One of the favourite tricks is a girl complaining that you’ve not paid her enough, after discretely skimming off a couple of banknotes from the wad you’ve given her while you’re not looking. It comes down to your word against hers, and of course it’s all too easy to miscount in the dim light of the hotel room and make a genuine mistake - which is what the girl is counting on.
Spiking a guy’s drink and sending him off to sleep before cleaning out his wallet and nicking his other valuables is a well-known ploy elsewhere in the region, but hasn’t yet become a major problem in Jakarta. On one infamous occasion, though, a couple of girls went with a guy to the Melawai Hotel where they pulled this trick - but through ignorance they overdid the dosage, and the guy tragically died. It’s a long shot, but if you have a drink in your hotel room take sensible precautions such as opening and pouring drinks yourself, and not letting the glass or bottle out of your sight.
It’s not a significant problem in Blok M, but elsewhere in Jakarta beware of the seriously incorrect bar bill, especially if it’s a place you don’t frequent regularly and you end the evening a little the worse for wear. In one extreme case a guy the Reveller knows went to bed thinking that he’d signed off his hotel bar bill, only to discover when checking out two days later that his bill for that night was right off the scale. Being a naturally assertive guy he went ballistic and demanded to see the original bar tabs. Of course there were a whole lot that he hadn’t signed, and were time-stamped long after he’d left the bar - apparently the girls had kept on ordering in his name, almost certainly in collusion with one of the bar staff.
Short-changing a customer is common, so count the change (especially if you’ve handed over big notes to pay your bar bill).
If you’re driving (or being driven) home late at night, don’t stop for anything - especially a drunk staggering in the road, someone in apparent distress, or what looks like a road accident. These are frequently set-ups to get a vehicle to stop so that the occupants may be robbed. If your taxi driver slows down, tell him to keep moving and get the blazes out of there. Likewise, if your car gets a flat tyre, don’t stop by the roadside to change the wheel - limp on to a well-lit and busy area before fixing it.
Epilogue
Well, the nights on the Blok may have been few, but they’ve been classics, and the Reveller ends the month a very happy bunny. After all, it’s quality that counts, not quantity. So the Reveller looks forward with optimism to a wild and entertaining 2004 down the Blok, and yet more picaresque adventures.