January Update
Blok M update, January 2004
Status report
Well, the new year is well under way now and everyone has more or less recovered their equilibrium after the seasonal festivities. The Reveller missed out on New Year’s Eve as he was a bit off colour and running a temperature, but more than made up for his enforced absence a week later with a wild and deliciously abandoned night of debauchery in D’s Place. But more about that later.
The news on the Blok is positive, even encouraging. The revamped Pentagon is due to open shortly, but no-one seems to knows what the game plan is - will it be just another bar, will it be a late-night disco, or what? Whoever is behind this laudable enterprise is blissfully clueless about promotion and marketing.
Like the proverbial cat with nine lives, dear old Lintas Melawai is still open and thriving. There’s even a whisper that there could be big changes in the place shortly - but as always in Jakarta "it ain’t over until the fat lady sings", so the Reveller’s hopes are tempered by a cynical caution bred from years of observing events on the Blok. As they say, watch this space for breaking news.
Some good news for all you regular readers of the Blok M Chronicles - next month the Reveller is upping sticks and shifting to a new base in south Jakarta. His new abode is just down the road from Blok M and within hiking distance of Lintas Melawai, so there’ll be much more frequent (and in-depth) field-work carried out.
Chugging along Jalan Ragunan in south Jakarta the other day the Reveller spies a brand-new set of traffic lights ahead, and immediately takes the appropriate action - open up the throttle and hurtle full-speed towards them. Yes, in Jakarta traffic lights are a challenge, not a warning. As he and his fellow bikers thunder through the lights in a scene reminiscent of Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyrie, the Reveller fleetingly notices that they’re showing red and green simultaneously.
His more cynical friends remark over a drink in the bar later that evening that this is a bit like the way the government faces up to national issues such as corruption and the environment, and the Reveller agrees that it’s a pretty fair paradigm of the old place. But it suddenly occurs to him that it’s even more appropriate to describing the mating behaviour of the Blok M girls. So here’s the Reveller’s colour code for the girls….
Red
The message - "get lost, I’m not interested."
The signals - glazed look on face, avoidance of any eye contact, mildly flirtatious attention paid to another nearby guy, turning body sideways-on, flipping through the SMS messages on her handphone while you’re talking to her, folding arms across her body and hiding the hands.
Green
The message - "come and get me!"
The signals - radiant smile, frequent and sustained eye contact, pouting of lips, glaring daggers at other girls hovering hopefully in the vicinity, waving coyly to say hello, asking for a light and casually brushing her fingers against your hand, moving in closer so that knees make contact.
Amber
The message - "maybe, maybe not - but have a try, anyway"
The signals - occasional but unsustained light eye contact, sitting down near but not quite next to you, asking for a light but avoiding hand contact, watching acutely to see which other girls you look at, waiting to see how expensive a drink you’ll buy her, looking round for other guys who might have their eyes on her.
Red + Green
The message - "chase me until I catch you"
The signals - haughty demeanour punctuated by occasional flashes of eyes and pouting of lips, exaggerated attention to another guy while she shimmies up to you, disappears without warning for minutes on end while she secretly watches your every move from a distance and then greets you like a long-lost friend on her return, pushes her best friend at you to see if you’re tempted, looks shocked and embarrassed when you ask her the inevitable question - then drags you out of the bar and sets off like a rocket for the nearest hotel.
The Girls
The Reveller’s taxonomy of Blok M girls grows apace and has now reached nineteen - thanks to help from fellow Blok Watchers whose personal observation and experience has led to the identification of Psychos, Starfish, Scavengers and Tag teams.
So if any of you guys know of a type that’s not yet been recorded, please drop a line to the Reveller who will investigate the phenomenon and - after painstaking research - include it in the list.
When will they ever learn…
If there’s one thing that really pisses the guys off it’s the appearance on the bar bill of exotic and expensive drinks that they’ve no recollection of having ordered. Just as you’re about to depart in a mellow haze of bonhomie, and that inner tranquility that only substantial quantities of alcohol downed in the company of a bevy of absolutely gorgeous sweet young things can produce, your addled brain registers that the amount of folding stuff you’re counting out seems to be much greater than usual.
The bubble is burst, the illusion shattered, the evening ruined - and all because some brainless bimbo has played the drinks trick on you. Now when a girl realises that her guy is completely blotto and sweetly cons him into ordering a non-stop stream of expensive tipples - caveat emptor, any bloke who’s too far gone to control things only has himself to blame. But when a guy offers to buy a round of soft drinks for the girls at his bar table and they sneakily order exotic mixtures behind his back, that’s right out of order.
The girls are cunning. To all appearances they’re modestly sipping Cokes or Sprites, but the punter is cheerfully unaware that lurking in that Coke glass is a double shot of whisky, and that innocent-looking Sprite is laced with Baccardi.
This practice rings alarm bells among the bar owners and managers, as they risk losing valued (and valuable) regular customers. Indeed, the Reveller knows quite a few guys who’ve switched watering holes because of being duped over the drinks. To the credit of D’s Place they crack down hard on the girls who try it on, and a guy has only to tell the bar staff that he wants to OK all drinks put on his bill by the girls. The other bars, alas, are not all so rigorous.
If the bar staff can’t (or won’t) identify the girl who ordered drinks in your name and without your knowledge, point-blank refuse to pay. And ask to talk to the bar manager if the offending items aren’t immediately struck off the bill.
Where to stay in and near Blok M
A question the Reveller is often asked is, where’s a good place to stay on a short visit to Jakarta? If you’re on an expenses-paid business trip, the Ambhara Hotel is an excellent choice. It’s located right in front of the Blok M bus terminal (within site of The Club and a very short walk from Jalan Pelatehan), and provides the usual range of quality facilities expected of a well-run business-class hotel. It’s also home to the Stamford Arms, an increasingly popular watering hole for visitors and locals alike.
On the west side of the Blok there’s the Sofitel Gran Mahakam, an opulent place with a reputation for quality. If money is no object and you want an international-class luxury hotel, look no further.
If you’re on a tight budget there’s always the Melawai Hotel. It’s cheap and cheerful, the location couldn’t be better (right next to Lintas Melawai and just down the road from Jalan Pelatehan) - the rooms are a bit spartan, but quite comfortable, and the staff are a cheerful bunch. And should you find your room too claustrophobic, just hop into the lift and head for the Sixth Floor.
Further away, but still within easy reach of the Blok, there are the Atlet Century Park Hotel and the Hotel Kemang. Both of these are business class hotels, and the Reveller hears good things about them. (If you’re a coffee freak, the Atlet is a must - it’s famous for its coffee lounge, which serves all the regional varieties of Indonesian coffee.) There’s also the Hotel Prapanca (quite near to the Hotel Kemang), but this is lower grade (akin to the Melawai Hotel) and pricey for what it offers.
To see a map of the area showing all the hotels, click here (warning - hefty graphic, 350k)
Epilogue
Ah, I bet most of you have only read this far to find out what happened to the Reveller on his night of debauchery! Well, it’s one of those magical nights and the place is alive and swinging, when a bunch of his old flames make their way into the bar. There are shrieks and kisses as they home in on the Reveller, and after the usual little tiffs and petty jealousies settle down together with him next to the disco dance floor. In fact he’s pretty well corralled - there’s no escape.
But there is a cunning way to get out of the upstairs bar in D’s Place without being observed. You excuse yourself, but instead of going to the toilets you slide off down to the far end of the bar (next to the cash desk) and tuck yourself round the corner out of sight, where you stay for a few minutes. As soon as the coast is clear you duck and weave your way through the Top Gun girls (who frequent that end of the bar) and slip into the toilet. From there, you wait until there’s a crowd queuing to get in, then sidle out, do a quick right turn, and slip down the stairs unobserved.
On this particular night, though, the plan fails - they’ve split up, and have the whole bar covered. And as soon as one finds the hapless Reveller, the others converge on the spot. Muttering "it’s a fair cop" the Reveller gamely accepts his fate, remembering the famous dictum of Confucius - "when rape is inevitable, lie back and enjoy it".
So he revels the night away in the arms of three of the most gorgeous girls on the Blok, drinking, laughing and flirting into the early hours. What happens next is left to the reader’s fertile imagination…