March Update
Blok M update, March 2005
March has been yet another good month down the Blok. The Reveller’s only regret is that because of the Work Schedule From Hell his nocturnal sorties have been savagely curtailed over the last few weeks. However, all bad things must come to an end, and now he’s back on the rampage.
The shift in bar popularity that had a seismic effect on Jalan Pelatehan in January and February seems to have subsided, and there’s a clearly discernible new pecking order. My Bar is the undisputed cock of the street with Top Gun firmly entrenched in second place. D’s Place and Everest continue to hold their own and are loyally supported by their regular customers, but the commonly expressed view is that they’re second division relegation candidates.
Oscars is the dark horse of the street, and could yet make the big time - it all depends on how popular the newly-refurbished upstairs bar becomes. Sportsmans is the street’s Teflon bar - others come and go, have their ups and downs, but Sporties just keeps rolling along in its time-honoured ways. The street needs - and thrives on - variety, which means guys supporting all the bars and not just their regular haunts. So come on chaps, do your bit for Blok M. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it!
Landmark events include the opening of My Bar’s new Level 2 lounge bar and restaurant, and their Level 3 billiards lounge and bar. Read all about it in this update, and click here to see the photo album of the opening night .
In spite of the fact that it’s a damp and overcast Friday night, Blok M is filling up fast - so the Reveller and a few of the guys set themselves up nice and early in pole position next to the My Bar disco floor. As the place starts to fill at about 11 o’clock, half a dozen beauties take up their own pole position on the disco floor at the opposite side of the bar top, establishing an elegant and symmetrical symbiosis that bodes well for the night’s revelling. The Reveller’s companion, he of the dirtiest mind in Blok M, remarks that if only the management would remove the wood panel below the bar top he’d be able to feel the goods as well as view them.
Surprisingly, as the evening wears on and warms up, the Sweet Young Things across the bar top become increasingly inert. Their idea of dancing is to sway listlessly to the music, their most vigorous activity the languid lighting of a cigarette. The Reveller’s mate turns and says "They’ve got everything going for them - good figures, good looks - but not a smile between them". We agree that there’s something uncomfortably cold and generic about them, that they’re in effect stocking-fillers whose role is just to look pretty and fill the place up.
The Reveller remarks that they’re the Blok M equivalent of OEMs - components bought in from the original manufacturer and rebranded as the purchaser’s own product. "Yes, these Blok M girls have probably been press-ganged from the kampongs and bussed to Jakarta as job lots", he observes - and makes a mental note to write them up as a newly identified species. Click here to read their description on the ‘Girls’ page.
As the beer flows and the conversation draws on, his companion regales the Reveller with the antics of a very attractive girl he met the previous week, a Sweet Young Thing who - after the most basic of introductions and on the slenderest acquaintance - expected him to buy her a new handphone. And talk of the devil, here she is - making a beeline for him, all cute smiles and fluttering eyelashes. Now the Reveller’s friend may have an irredeemably filthy mind and the sexual proclivities of a ferret, but beneath that bluff exterior he’s actually quite a gentleman - so rather than intoning the Two Magic Words he quietly but effectively disabuses her of her silly illusions, and she wanders off into the depths at the other end of the bar looking a bit miffed.
We consider her case, and agree that she’s typical of a growing number of girls who look upon every guy they meet as a walking ATM. The Reveller remarks that once a girl’s got a chap in tow it’s normal for her to expect a certain level of support and pampering - that’s all part of the game - but this blatant, in-your-face mercenary greed is a real spoiler. We concur that while there’s always been an occasional specimen like that, nowadays they’re so common that they merit recognition as a new species - so click here to read about Gold diggers on the ‘Girls’ page.
"The three best things in life…
… are a drink before, and a smoke after", according to the old adage.
But alas, in these enlightened times we aren’t permitted to enjoy even these simple pleasures without some killjoy warning us, like a medieval memento mori, that they’re unhealthy, antisocial, or just plain wicked. Yes, slapping warnings on all the good things in life has become the Holy Grail of health pundits the world over. It started with tobacco, is currently being applied to junk food, and now there’s serious talk of including alcohol in the deal.
When the Reveller recently obtained a sample of proposed liquor warnings he carried out extensive research and found a deeply disturbing state of preparedness for an onslaught on the perils of going on the piss. So click here to see the dire warnings that await you on every barrel, bottle, glass and beer mat.
And we can be sure it’s not going to stop there. Just imagine what it would be like if the Sweet Young Things had to display a health warning! So here’s a challenge for all you guys - invent a health warning for the Blok M bar girls. The best entries will be featured in next month’s update.
Going up in the world
‘Ever onwards and upwards’ should be My Bar’s motto, as it applies both literally and figuratively to this bar with a vision. The creation of a new upstairs lounge bar and restaurant plus a professionally-designed billiard lounge is, for My Bar’s management, the realisation of the keystone of that vision - and cements the status of the place as the premier night spot in Blok M.
The official opening is another My Bar spectacular, superbly stage-managed and a really enjoyable occasion. Coming hard on the heels of their anniversary celebration it puts out a very strong message that Jalan Pelatehan is a thriving and profitable concern with a future, and that investors are prepared to put their money where their mouths are.
The view of many of the old lags is that the extensions are a Good Thing and deserve to succeed, but that it’ll take a bit of time to get the guys to change their habits. In particular, Friday and Saturday nights are when many of the chaps shake off domestic shackles to go on the razzle - so it’s the disco all the way, from late evening into the small hours of the morning. Now where the new lounge bar could really hit the spot is early evening dining before the descent into the disco inferno, so the Reveller will be setting the trend by partaking of his beloved sop buntut in the comfort and relaxed atmosphere upstairs.
Another suggestion to the management is to create a few dark nooks and corners in the lounge bar, where chaps can entice the Sweet Young Thing (or Things) of their choice to canoodle discretely out of the glare of the downstairs publicity. For it’s a sad fact that some of the guys have a tendency to multitask, and live in dread of accidental encounters with ex (or not so ex) girlfriends in the disco bar. (This has happened to the Reveller on more than one occasion, and he’s got the scars to prove it.)
The billiards lounge is sure to become the place of choice for seasoned players of the pool league and those who take the game Very Seriously, but for the great unwashed it’s got to have that mix of pretty girls and instant bonhomie which has pulled Top Gun out of the doldrums and back into the limelight.
The great thing about the Internet is that it’s a dynamic network, a kaleidoscopic myriad of links and connections that’s become a global community in the space of a very few years. But one thing that the Reveller has observed from his own searching and surfing is that many, if not most, non-commercial sites have a fairly short life span. Some atrophy and become fossilised remains of their brief efflorescence, sad leftovers from their creator’s feast - others simply drop off the edge of the map and disappear without trace.
So for a singleton site to be thriving and growing after a year online is an achievement, an occasion to celebrate - and so it is for my good friend Jakartass, whose blog complements the Blok M web site rather neatly. He provides a unique blend of local and national commentary mixed in with the domestic trials and trivia that make up the fabric of everyday life in Jakarta for the resident expat and his family. Click here for a profile of Jakartass, and a link to his blog.
You can find links to a variety of local web sites and newsletters here on the Blok M web site - they’re all hand-picked by the Reveller with the aim of providing a broad perspective on life here for the expatriate. Click here for the links page. One of his favourites is Bart’s Expat Newsletter, which is full of life, humour and Dutch wit.
Now believe it or not, this is an incredibly useful word for Blok M revellers. It perfectly describes a symptom we’ve all experienced at some time or other - frenzy caused by desire for the unattainable, as it’s defined by the Oxford Dictionary. The typical victim is a guy who’s quietly enjoying the ambience and idly eyeing the throng of girls, when he espies one sultry beauty and is immediately, irrevocably, smitten - what the French call le coup de foudre, literally a bolt of lightning.
The object of his desire may catch his eye, get the message, and edge her way eagerly through the throng towards him - that’s the version with a happy ending. But there’s a type of girl who, whilst very glad to make some money and enjoy the social life of the bar, gets her real kicks out of teasing guys and leading them on. Indeed, she’s already listed in the ‘girls’ page as a siren. She’s coquettish and pretends to ignore the besotted guy, whilst keeping herself firmly in his field of vision and showing off her many charms to their best advantage. If his attention should wander, in a flash she’s fixed him with her eyes and lured him back to watching her. It’s a bit like fishing - she’s got him hooked, and is jiggling the line to keep him in play.
Other girls do it more innocently, the aim being to work the chap up into such a state that he’ll be eating out of her hand and ready to obey her every whim and fancy - and be sure to choose her, and not one of her Best Friends who are hovering nearby with predatory ambitions of their own. But either way, for the hapless victim it’s an agony of suspense mixed with lust and despair - in a word, nympholepsy.
Epilogue
This month’s update is a mixed bag, a little bit of everything. The focus has, inevitably, been on major developments down the Blok, in particular the new landscape of Jalan Pelatehan in the wake of Lintas Melawai’s demise and closure. So now it’s time to look at the broader picture and pay visits to the other watering holes in and around the Blok - yes, the Reveller feels a serious pub crawl coming on. So the March Diary will be a report on his findings as he downs a quickie in the Stamford Arms, braves the Dark Side of the Club, says hello to the fish in Oscars, gives Everest a whirl, and dons his earplugs for a foray into D’s Place.